I just took part in an online group session with Gopal Norbert Klein, one of the leading trauma therapists in Germany. Gopal teaches that all we seek, as mammals, apart from survival, is connection. The basis of connecting with others is to connect with oneself, to sense one‘s own body, sensations, needs and feelings. And then to express these sensations, needs and feelings rather than holding them in or overriding them with thinking.
Gopal said that „with people who can‘t sense themselves, who can‘t do that at all, I tell them to hold their breath. Then a need will come, the need to breathe. The next step would be to sense the need to drink, to eat… Needs have nothing to do with thoughts, with the stories we tell ourselves.”
In my own session with Gopal, it became clear to me how much I was still living in my childhood. Rather than knowing this intellectually, I experienced it. In the story going on in my head, I was really hurt but in reality I was in a friendly and safe interaction with Gopal. My feelings in relation to the real life situation were swamped by my feelings in relation to the story going on in my head. Gopal said to me, „if you go to this hurt, there is no one there. This is because there is no one here now hurting you“. This was difficult for me to grasp, but absolutely true.
So, when I get lost in the traumatic stories in my head, I might just try holding my breath. Not as a breathing technique but as a reality check: there‘s me and my body with its needs and most of these needs are being met and the ones that aren‘t, I can do something about. It makes me realise how lucky I am compared to the many beings in the world whose needs aren‘t even close to being met, for whom trauma is a physical reality. I hope that through healing myself, I’ll be able to contribute to their cause.